Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
