i just made my gag reflex go away.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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