I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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