he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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