If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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