is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
