They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
