so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
