I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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