apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
