Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we made out on top of his cat.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
