Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
