I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
