I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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