the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
