there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
