If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
