Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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