Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize