I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
