It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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