I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
