He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I need water and some morals
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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