just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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