Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
