My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
