took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
