the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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