A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
