at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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