I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
