I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
