Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
