Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize