I haven't been this sober since birth.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
