hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
