Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Come on in and take your pants off
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