I just made out with a guy for $7.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
