I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
