I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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