OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
