Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
