Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize