he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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