I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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