R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
time to smoke my breakfast
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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