I think I died a long time ago.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize