you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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