Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's blow job season.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
