Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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