I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
