hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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