This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
