what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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