We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
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