I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
