I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
