I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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