he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
