Umm I'm too high to move.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
