You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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