When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
