I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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