I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How's work?
Spinning.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
