Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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