Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i think i have two assholes
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
