I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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