i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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