Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
