I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
