There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
