I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
