Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
