Don't make out with my wife yet
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
