He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize