ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
