Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
