that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
