i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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