The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
