I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
