I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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