i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize