the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
