i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
