Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
