i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
