Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
