brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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