ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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