You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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