; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
