Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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