what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
