are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I need moral support for this bender
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
