At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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