gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Found your dick twin last night
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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