my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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