she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Shame - the story of my life.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
