He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
