Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize