I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This house was built for laser tag.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
