Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
