I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
