I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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