I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
